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Christmas and the festive season can become challenging when parents are separated and co-parenting. These challenges can be exacerbated if you are yet to decide what your child arrangements over Christmas and the holiday period.
We have written this article to help parents who are amicably divorced or separated create a balanced and beneficial plan for the Christmas season.
What does the law say?
There is no family law specifically pertaining to visitation rights over Christmas, but there is a lot of child custody law in general that all still applies over the Christmas period. If you and your partner (or anyone else with parental responsibility of the child) already have a signed parenting agreement, this will still remain valid over winter holidays, unless you both agree to making variations for those certain dates.
Our Top Tips
For parents with shared custody who are yet to decide Christmas arrangements, here are some top tips to ensure the festive season is as smooth sailing as possible.
Tip #1: Make Arrangements ASAP
Firstly, try to make arrangements as early as possible. This will give you time to untangle any disagreements and differing opinions and ensure that all of your tickets and logistics are sorted in advance. It also ensures that any extended family such as grandparents know the best times to meet the kids. Avoiding the last minute rush will avoid unnecessary tension, which children will inevitably notice. Planning in advance can also prevent any snap decisions from being made, hopefully avoiding worst case scenarios such as litigation.
Tip #2: Communication
It’s vital for separated parents to have open communication. This minimises misunderstandings and works towards a fair compromise being reached. This means communication through whichever medium works best for you and your ex. If phone calls tend to become heated and unproductive, you can stick to texting or emailing. Alternatively, there are apps designed specifically for separated parents to plan and communicate.
Tip #3: Keep Calm
Keep calm. Even when it’s difficult, and you find making arrangements frustrating, the last thing that will help is being angry or annoyed. Not only will it affect everyone’s mood at home, you might say things you regret and find that communication becomes unproductive.
Tip #4: Mediation
Mediation. Yes - you could book a family mediation session for you and your partner. It may sound unusual, but can actually be a helpful solution if you find that you are not comfortable talking to your ex one to one, but still want to come to a christmas agreement. Mediation also helps make progress in situations where communicating independently with your ex isn’t getting anywhere helpful. In mediation, you will be supervised and guided by a trained family mediation but still be able to represent your own opinions. If you decide to go to mediation, it would be best to draft up a consent order which can be made legally binding, and use it for every following Christmas - which will save you having to go through the process again next year.
Tip #5: Ask for your children's opinion
Ask your children what they want. This applies to both younger children and teenagers. Children, especially teenagers, may already have their own ideas and preferences for Christmas Day and New Years. It will also give you and your ex a more important opinion to prioritise, and can help come to a speedier final decision.
Tip #6: Best interests of your child
Keep the best interests of your child at heart. While all plans should be feasible for you and your partner, they should center around the wellbeing of your children. Some key things to consider is if you decide to split Christmas day and Boxing day, or Christmas day itself, is whether this will be enjoyable for your children. If you live a long journey away from your ex, this could tire the children out and mean that a large portion of their day gets spent travelling. If your children get travel sick, travelling on a special day would really not work out.
Finally, try not to be upset when you do have the kids around. Even if the situation isn’t your ideal one, ensure that you can still enjoy the festive spirit with your kids. It’s important for both you and them, and ensures you make happy memories as a family regardless. Hand in hand with this, don’t make your children feel guilty for spending Christmas day with the other parent (if this is what ends up happening), regardless of whether it was their decision or not. It’s important not to create bitterness for yourself, and to let your children enjoy their Christmas fully.
Some Options for Christmas Arrangements
What actually are your options for Christmas arrangements? Remember one size does not fit all, and these are some ideas that have worked for others in the past.
Spending the day together: Only do this if you think it is viable for you and your ex. There is no point making yourself, your ex and your family unhappy with unnecessary tension at the dinner table. But, if you think you and your ex can handle spending the day together happily, then this can be a good solution. You should make some rules to ensure the day goes well - this could mean avoiding certain topics in conversation, or not contradicting each other’s parenting style.
Splitting Christmas day and boxing day, or splitting Christmas Day in half: This option is dependant on the distance between both parents, but works for those who live close to each other. Just be aware that children may get a little tired doing this, and allow room for that in your plans.
Yearly alteration: A very common solution between separated parents. Essentially, one year one parent gets Christmas day, and the other gets New Years, and then switch the next year. This one is the most hassle free, and requires the least change to existing split parenting plans. This can be really helpful for parents who are parallel parenting and wish to reduce contact with eachother.
Summarise. Once you have decided a final plan - summarise it. Whether you do so on a word document, or a final email or text with all the plans laid out, this step is really important. It prevents any last minute confusion, and confirms everyone is happy with the plan and will stick to it.
When is litigation necessary?
Litigation, i.e. going to court, is a last ditch option - but is sometimes necessary. Litigation can be necessary when a parent forcefully stops contact with another during the holidays, something that happens unfortunately often during Christmas break. If you are worried the other parent has taken your child out of the country without your permission, ie child abduction, this could also be grounds for arbitration.
If you have fears of domestic violence or harm to your child, regardless of whether it is over Christmas, then it is important to go to court in the best interests of your own child. This could involve neglect, physical, sexual or psychological abuse or concern about the general environment your child will be in at their other parent’s (ie. fears of recreational drug usage around your child). In cases like these, an urgent court application is necessary.
We at Court Help Limited can help with this if the situation comes to it. We specialise in family court matters including Non Molestation Orders by drafting statements and applications on your behalf. Our legal team has rich experience and knowledge to assist you in the preparation of the required documentation and paperwork involved in such cases, and will arrange conference calls to guide you through the complex process.
Please Note: This Article is NOT legal advice and should NOT be treated as legal advice.
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